Cycling is a form of torture!

When I decided I wanted to change my life, eat better, stop smoking, lose weight, get divorced etc, I chose cycling as my initial lazy form of exercise. I lived in Northampton and would regularly cycle 10 miles or more just because it was a nice day. Admittedly this was almost a decade ago, but fuck me…. I thought it was easier than running!

Some 8 or so years ago I cycled from London to Brighton, it was kinda fun in a perverse kinda way. By the time I’d been sat in the car for the drive home, I couldn’t move, but the actual cycle was ok. 55 miles of hills and dips and punctures, but I did it and I’ve got the medal, the T shirt and the photo to prove it.

The same year, or maybe the next year, I cycled 25 miles in a monsoon around rugby. It was horrendous, I was soaked to the skin, my socks were wet, my bra was wet, my knickers were wet … but I did it.

My sister lives 3 streets away, not long streets, I can walk there in about 8 minutes. The other day we went for a socially distanced walk and we laughingly said why are we walking when we could cycle, and so the most stupid idea of the year (so far) was formed.

Today I dragged my bicycle out of the cupboard it’s lived in since I moved house and cycled to my sisters house 0.4 miles away. I was panting like a woman In stage 2 labour by the time I arrived, but confident that it was just the cold air and all would soon be well.

Today I cycled 0.4 miles from my house to my sisters and my arse was on fire before I even got there! Same bike, same saddle, same me…. but seemingly my arse (despite me weighing more) has no cushioning on it when it comes to riding a bike.

We elected to cycle the “flat route” to Willen lake, which is longer, but the weather was nice, a bit chilly but sunny and there was the promise of cake at the end.

4 miles, 40 minutes, 1 stop to take a photo of a heron in a tree. My sister dinging her bell furiously to let people know we are “coming through” not sure why one ding isn’t enough but having already had words about me “thanking people who clearly couldn’t be bothered to move over” I let her get on with dinging for England and hoped no one realised we were together !!

We made it to Willen and enjoyed our cake and coffee, then I had to convince my arse back into the saddle for the journey home.

This time we both decided the shorter route and walk the hills was perhaps the way forward (big fucking mistake) calling a taxi would have been the best way forward but there you go !

Almost a miles shorter but over 100ft more elevation gain

Needless to say, I got off and walked (lots) I’m genuinely not sure which hurts more, my arse or my legs.

7 miles cycled in not a lot less than it takes me to run 6 miles !! I’m not totally convinced it’s worth it.

I have managed the grand total of 1,927 steps today and most of those were gained walking to and from my garage putting my Christmas tree away til next time I decide not to put it up.

I have rested (painfully) on the sofa for most of the rest of the day, and am now drinking baileys (for medicinal purposes).

As a form of exercise, cycling is shit, cycling is more shit than burpees, more shit than walking lunges, and definitely more shit than running.

If anyone suggests a cycling as a form of exercise tell them to fook right off !