The handicap run

Just found this in my draft box !

Last night (Thursday) I had the “pleasure” of running the handicap run, this is a run where basically the slow people set off first and the faster people set off later at intervals determined by their parkrun time.

Not that any cheating goes on at all but I know several people added at least 15 minutes to their parkrun time in order to get a quicker start.

As predicted (by me) I was outpaced by the other “starting on zero runners” before we had even reached the canal which was less than 100 meters away.

I did run up AND over the zig zags, by which time another 30 odd runners had gone past me, it was fucking hot, and I was beyond miserable. Even running with the delightful Vic didn’t cheer me up, that woman is way too happy and finds running way too easy, and she doesn’t listen.

Just replace the word song, with RUN and singing with RUNNING – this is exactly how that run felt, it went on and on and on FOREVER

If you don’t know this song just google “the song that never ends”

Dragging this ancient tub of lard around a hot stinky lake, while normal people are out enjoying lovely evening walks with their partners (which, btw is something The lovely one and I never do) is depressing, why have I never managed to find a partner who A: gets home in time for nice evening walks and B: enjoys them, it’s not like I haven’t tried lots of different types of partners, my current partner is my 5th long term partner and not a single one of them has been an “evening walk” kind of guy (bastards)

I digress! 4.4 miles along shit paths, by stinky water, up every hill, slope, weir and incline in the area, in 28 degrees and blazing fucking sunshine, I could (should) have been at home scrubbing the toilet and had more fun.

When we (Vic and I) finally made it back to the start, only 4 people remained. 47 runners turned up, that means 43 didn’t bother to hang around and cheer the last runner home. I appreciate that this might have meant a bit of a wait, but what the fuck, we are a club, we do things together, cheering the last person home is what we are known for. Vic said it’s my fault for not running faster …… maybe it is, it’s still pretty sad though.

all in all, it was not my finest hour !

1 hour eleven minutes to get round a 4.4 mile course that I should have been able to do in 1 hour 7 or faster, I know 4 minutes doesn’t sound a lot but that’s a minute a mile too slow even for a half marathon training run.

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