There is something particularly shit about being last, about being worst, about being slowest, most out of breath, most ready to puke ……… EVERY SINGLE TIME. it screws with your head and niggles away like a worm.
Every runner has a shite run occasionally, even the Elite runners, the difference is that their shite runs could cost them thousands of pounds, or sponsorship deals or world records etc, mine just give me worms.
The runners I aspire too, the fast ones who somehow never break a sweat (I hate them), the ones who run like gazelles with grace and beauty ( hate them too), the ones who lift their feet so high they are kicking their own arses (I wanna trip them over), the over enthusiastic runners who when offered the option of stopping or doing 1 more cheerfully head off to do the extra ( like seriously?) and the kids, Oh my god, the kids… just please, at least have the decency to look like its hard work will you ( little fuckers) – they all have shite runs, and I suspect they all get “worms”
Last night I voluntarily went to a track session, in fact I paid to go to a proper track session with a proper England Athletics qualified coach and everything.
Last night….. I got “worms”.
We started off with a “warm up lap” now with the greatest respect, anything that includes the word “lap” should never be considered a warm up. Even less so when its got the word “hundred” in it. Therefore a 4 “hundred” metre “lap” of the track is not a warm up its a bloody mission!
We moved on to the training steps, they look similar to this but without the fun part of the slide.
Who am I trying to kid, they looked nothing like this, they were ridiculously high, ridiculously steep, and shook when the fast runners were clattering up them sideways.
After about a gazillion trips up and down the stairs, forwards with right leg leading, then left leg, then two at a time, then sideways, then lunges… seriously, my legs don’t stretch that far, the step is too bloody high so I cant actually come down the other side without looking like an elephant jumping a tree stump
My thighs were actually burning….
Time to move on to actual running (gee, great, can I skip this part?) another “lap” of the track (not so) heavily disguised as intervals, ” go easy to the nets, then hard to the next nets, then recover back to me” were the instructions.
Before I reached the first set of nets, some of the runners were already on their recovery run section, not that I am slow or anything, its just they are unbelievably fucking fast. I believe one person actually finished his second lap at the same time I finished my first!
I had a rest, I don’t want to over do it so close to a half marathon, but eventually was sent out on mission #473 of the session – “easy to the nets, progressive increase to the next nets, then recover home” sounds simple huh? once again I was overtaken before I had rounded the first corner (running with fast people seriously sucks) but I did actually do two laps this time before I collapsed on a chair and said ” enough” or something similar.
Relays next, because there is nothing more fun than being the slow leg in a team of 3 impressively fast runners, I gave myself a bit of a head start and was predictably overtaken in about 3 strides, but I made it to change over one – signalling to runner number 2 to set off about ten paces before I got there (oops) and had about 30 seconds rest before the fuckers had made it round the track to me again forcing me to run to the next change over point, runner number 4 didn’t seem impressed that I had again moved round further meaning he had to run a couple more metres, to be fair he was so fucking fast it should have been considered “braking distance” he actually scowled at me, can you believe it, especially as I took off before he reached me!! ( I know its cheating, but its not like it was a proper race or anything)
Coach Annette then decides a cool down lap is needed (I have the same opinion of cool down “laps” as I do of warm up laps, so I had a drink of water and observed their form as they circumnavigated the arena) a few stretches and we are done. YAY I survived, but with worms.
I drove home and looked at my strava, I needed something, anything, just one positive to take away from the session (other than the fact that by some miracle I was still alive) to my surprise there were actually quite a few.
I had worn my new trainers and they had felt comfortable
I had completed to the best of my (limited) ability all sections of the session.
But perhaps best of all were these little beauties !
Easy run out I managed 11:34 minute pace, hard section I managed 9:44 ( then I died!) and the recovery was 10:14 and on one section of the relay I managed 8:49 min mile pace
It might have only been for less than a minute, but I did some of my fastest running EVER last night.
EAT THAT WORMS !!