Last night I had a complete hissy fit about my running, there are times when I get so fed up with it that I wonder why I even bother trying. Running really can be shit sometimes.
If I am honest I still have no idea why I keep going back, I rarely enjoy it, I rarely feel that it was a good run, I rarely get see any improvement, and these days I rarely see my running friends because they are all on runs I can no longer bring myself to attend because I have so little confidence in my ability to actually run.
Last night was possibly the worst post run blues I have had for a long time, I actually cried in the shower (where the lovely one wouldn’t see or hear me) and had a good old whinge on messenger to “the bitch” who was slightly sympathetic but not gushing, but offered me exactly what I needed – confirmation of everything I already knew.
I need to get over myself !!
Someone once said to me ” if you are not getting the results you want, something needs to change”
If I want to get faster, I need to actually run faster.
If I want to run further, I need to actually run further.
My current running schedule is lazy, I take literally every and any opportunity to do short easy runs and then blame these runs for my failure to improve. I have managed to allow myself to get into a position where I can no longer maintain a reasonable (for me) pace over a distance of 5k through my own avoidance of running and I have managed to allow myself to believe that I need to stop every time the going gets tough.
Well no more ….
I have spoken to a friend who is also a run lead, who has agreed to co-lead my Friday run, freeing me up to take part in running parkrun again, something which I miss, I miss the people and I miss the challenge. ( I also have a <40 goal to achieve)
My training plan also includes returning to club runs on Mondays, something I have avoided for several months mainly due to lack of enthusiasm/confidence on my part, it will be good to run with the Monday gang again occasionally.
I also need to do long runs on Sundays for the rest of the year (what sort of a cockwomble signs up for 3 half marathons in one year ?) so I need to get back to going to club runs on Sundays, not much point in being part of an awesome club if I don’t actually run with them.
As Katie would say – I have my positive pants on ! (seriously, she does actually say things like that – strange but true) a new day has dawned. This year will be MY year.